MOV

I like the use of acronyms.  I think they're clever.  One in particular I have used so much that it actually has become nearly as commonplace among people that know me as AAA.  Or as I have gotten older, AARP.  The acronym I am referring to is the MOD Squad.  Not the same as the old TV show, but Mothers Of Deaf.

The MOD Squad is a group of mothers (thanks, Captain Obvious) who have been through the special education wringer together.  Good for bouncing ideas off of, going to school meetings with and just in general being there for each other.  It has been a huge blessing and though our deaf kids are pretty much grown now, we are all still friends.

MOV is a new acronym that came to me and is entirely different.  Mother Of Victim.

MOV was inspired by a woman I am very close to.  And I have her permission to talk about this.  There are really so many different faces she could have.  Her child might be the victim of kidnapping; any number of violent acts; maybe a priest or other spiritual authority.  A victim of a teacher or coach.  Or as in the case of the MOV that I know, the victim of a babysitter.  A person she took her child to specifically for the taking care of.  Protecting.  Please allow me to put in a disclaimer.  I am talking about MOVs here but that is in no way to suggest they are more of or even the same level of victim as the child who has been perpetrated against.  The child is the true victim.  It's just that the story of my friend really gave me pause to stop and try to understand the mother's perspective.

In this case, it was years after the abuse that our MOV learned it had happened.  Twenty some years.  Suddenly her 27 year old child is five again.  That is the face in her mind as she is learning what has transpired. And she wants to attack.  You know what they say about mother bears. And the thing is, it's not even her battle to take on at this point.  If anyone is to do that, it has to be the adult child.  And that really isn't likely at this point.

The "event" or series of events is long over.  Physically anyway.  The scars are certainly there.  But for the MOV in our example, it has JUST happened!  Instinct is to protect, crucify.  And she can't.  Or should she? What is her role NOW?

I suppose because I am a mom I often see things through the lens of being the mother in just about any story.  Even when things like New Haven happen...or the Columbine shootings.  Not only the mothers of the victims, but the mothers of the bad guys.  There are exceptions to everything but I would imagine THOSE mothers are nearly as traumatized as the other mothers...the mothers of the victims.  Maybe?  Just a thought.

How does a mother wrestle through NOT being able to protect her child? Who is safe?  And what do we say to those MOVs?  How can we help?  I don't know that we can.  How do we help them help their child?  What kind of MOD Squad is in place for that?  At this point, at least in the case of my friend, the child has accepted that it's simply the way it was and they don't want to talk about it.  But MOV wants to talk about it.  She wants to make it better and cannot.

I remember watching The Passion of the Christ.  Mary, the mother of Jesus always had my attention.  Watching Jesus as a little boy running, just to fall down...how she would rush to his side.  Watching and running along side as He was beaten while carrying the cross.  Beaten beyond recognition, the Bible says.  And then watching as He died. Helpless.  And that is how my friend feels.  Helpless.

I am tempted to think, well, that's different.  Mary knew Jesus was God's Son.  I'm not so sure that's better!  What do you say if you're Mary?  I'm sorry God!  I tried to protect Him!  I am in no way a Bible scholar but I think the only place it tells us the information Mary was given about her son-to-be is in Luke 1:26-38, specifically 30-33: But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."  Verses 34-35 shows us that this MOV, Mary, didn't have special insight, any more than is available to us; "How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I m a virgin?"  The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God..."

Nothing about how her son would have to endure everything He endured and how she should deal with it.  As far as I know anyway.  And so when push became shove and her son became an innocent victim, just like my friend's child and countless other women's children, what is she supposed to do? What are the mothers of our day supposed to do?

There is only one thing I can be sure of and that is that God knew it would happen. To His Son and to our sons and daughters.  And I think it breaks His heart.  I don't understand it either.  Why does He allow such atrocities?  Except to not allow ANYTHING is to remove our free will.  And free will is the part we like.  Or at least the part we want.

The Bible, in John Chapter 11, at the very least implies that what breaks our hearts breaks God's heart, too.  Mary, Martha and Lazarus were siblings and good friends of Jesus.  Lazarus became very sick and the sisters sent word to Jesus.  In order to later show them Who exactly He was (who happens to be God, the only One who can bring the dead back to life) Jesus delayed in getting to them and Lazarus died before He arrived.  Look ahead to verse 33.  When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.  "Where have you laid him?" he asked.  "Come and see, Lord," they replied.  Jesus wept.

I firmly believe this is because their broken hearts broke His.  Like when we see our children hurting and it breaks our hearts.  This story miraculously ends with Jesus bringing Lazarus back from the dead.  We know he truly was dead because he had been in the tomb for four days.

For MOVs and the rest of us as well, questions arise; what about the death in spirit that occurs when these atrocities hit in our very real worlds?  Or the emotional walls that are put up around the victims, by the victims themselves?  What about the baggage that can trickle down into the generations to follow? Personally I think that just like in the biblical account above, Jesus weeps.  With us.  For us.  This is not the way things were supposed to be.  These thoughts lead to so many questions.  Why did He allow sin in the first place?  It's that free will thing again.  He didn't want puppets when He created us.  Do we have children because we want puppets?  No. We crave relationship and I think that's what He wanted too when He created us.  But we aren't puppets and sin entered the picture. Just like Adam and Eve, we think we know more than we do, can handle things better than we can and consequences follow.  And so often those consequences are damaged people.  Who damage people.

For those of us who believe that the Jesus is Who He says He is, the only thing we can hang on to is that He sees.  He knows.  And He weeps.  He will not leave us nor forsake us.  He loves us.  And He's coming back one day.  And things WILL be as they were supposed to be.

Please Lord, come quickly.