Thanks But No Thanks

The devil you know.  Keep your enemies close.  These little nuggets are so warm and fuzzy aren't they?

There is an event recorded in the Bible where Jesus freed some men of the devil THEY knew.  THEIR enemy.

When Jesus arrived at the other side of the lake in the area of the Gadarene people, two men who had demons in them met him.  These men lived in the burial caves and were so dangerous that people could not use the road by those caves.  They shouted, "What do you want with us, Son of God?  Did you come here to torture us before the right time?"

Near that place there was a large herd of pigs feeding.  The demons begged Jesus, "If you make us leave these men, please send us into that herd of pigs."

Jesus said to them, "Go!"  So the demons left the men and went into the pigs.  Then the whole herd rushed down the hill into the lake and were drowned.  The herdsmen ran away and went into town, where they told about all of this and what had happened to the men who had demons.Then the whole town went out to see Jesus.  When they saw him, they begged him to leave their area.  Matthew 8:28-34.

Jesus had just freed men of demons.  These men who were so dangerous because of the demons, that people could not even use the road that was near the caves in which these men lived.

And yet when the townspeople saw Jesus, they begged him to leave their area.  As if to say, hey Jesus, thanks for getting rid of those demons and making our roads safe again, but please don't do it again.  We really actually kind of liked it that way. Thanks anyway.

Do you find that strange?  I WANT to think that I would be begging him to stay.  If he can get rid of demons, isn't that a neighbor that we all want to have?

When we look closely at the text there is at least one implication.  The use of the word 'herdsmen'.  This implies that the pigs Jesus chased the demons into were not wild pigs.  Causing them to run down a hill into a lake and drowning likely affected the herdsmens' livelihood.  Less pigs to tend to and maybe sell?  If Jesus' presence caused a shake up in the herdsmens' cash flow, it could probably happen to the rest of the town as well.  Although they COULD be free of demons.

We all have them.  Demons of compromise.  Demons of bitterness.Addiction.  Need for approval.  Status. Unforgiveness.  There are so many different demons.

Could it be, like the townspeople in the story, we would rather keep our demons than have our livelihoods affected?  Or maybe even just our 'normal'?  God forbid we learn a new normal.  A normal that gives freedom.

It is for freedom that Chris has set us free.  Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.  Galatians 5:1  

I do not want demons and I do not want my enemies close.  Not anymore.

Thanks but no thanks.

Wrestling Match Part 2

Jesus hadn’t shown up yet to be their once and for all sacrifice.  The Old Testament Jewish people “knew” their history.  They'd heard the stories.  Noah starting the human race over.  Abraham being the father of the Jewish race.  I think, with their warts and all, they are in.  Maybe.

But what about all the ‘anyones’ that were destroyed at the time of Noah’s ark?  None to perish.  They were all pre-Abraham, the father of all Israelites.  I wonder if they, being a part of God’s 'illustration',  had a free pass?  Do they go to Heaven?  Certainly God wouldn’t create people for the sake of sending them to eternal damnation just to prove His point?

Then there's Judas Iscariot.  Someone had to be ‘the one’ to betray Jesus so the whole sacrifice of the truly perfect Lamb could take place.  A pass?  I want to think 'maybe' but really I think not.  Or was he part of the Jewish chosen people?

I think again about the foreknowledge of God.  Just like in the case of Judas Iscariot, He (God) knew in advance that Pharaoh would be a control freak and so took advantage of that knowledge and used it for an opportunity to show the Israelites that He really would deliver them. Pharaoh was an Egyptian and therefore not one of the ‘chosen’ ones of God.  Did Egyptians back then even have a chance at Heaven?  They surely are part of the ‘anyones’.

Honest questions.  Fair questions, I think.  What do we do with them?  Personally, I wrestle with and through them. I always try to come back to the things I know about God.  He is love.  He is good.  He is holy. His motives are pure.  But my thoughts don't stop rolling.

Instead of taking things out of context, we might need to just go back to the beginning.  Adam and Eve were the first people.  Ever.  Their first two children were Cain and Abel.  First children ever.  I think sometimes I get hung up on thinking that what's told to us in the Bible could be the whole story...the only things that happened ever.  But when I stop to think about it, or listen to other people way wiser than me, I realize that just because everything in the Bible is true, does not mean that EVERYTHING that ever happened is in the Bible.  Light bulb moment.

And we need to remember that in Old Testament times, people lived for hundreds of years.  With that in mind, we are able to realize that there were more than Cain and Abel....and with decades (centuries?) spanning over those times the children were being born.  As "wrong" as our brains make it out to be, they (Adam and Eve's offspring) had to have been reproducing among themselves or the human race would have stopped at Cain and Abel. Genesis 5 goes into great detail of Adam's descendants.

This means that the original people, God's people, some of them eventually evolved into being those very enemies of God...but I don't believe that means God made those enemies for illustration purposes.  What I think it does mean is that some of Adam and Eve's descendants exercised their free will in not believing the truths passed along in conversations throughout the generations.

And then when more people DIDN'T believe God's truths than DID believe, thankfully there was still Noah...Genesis 6:9  This is the account of Noah and his family.  Noah was a righteous man, the only blameless person living on the earth at the time, and he walked in close fellowship with God.

As far as the people pre-Noah....the very first people on earth actually walked with God.  See Genesis 2-3.  Surely they told their children about that.  Word of mouth.  The very first witnesses!  History began.  But eventually, some didn't believe. 

Free will.

Wrestling Match Part 1

Before we get started, I have a disclaimer.  The thoughts that roll around in my head are really just that.  A wrestling match in my brain so to speak.  I may be completely whacked in how I resolve these matches for myself.  And if you find that to be the case, maybe they will simply entertain you!  Maybe.  And just in case you decide to stick with me, I have broken this up into Part 1 and Part 2.

One of the things I have been mulling over a lot lately is Old Testament punishment compared with New Testament grace.  If you know me at all, you probably realize that a particular thought very rarely remains ONE thought.  Ready?

If God is God (and I have no doubt that He is) then He is all-knowing.  That all-knowingness has to include foreknowledge.  Before He even created us, He knew we humans would blow it again and again, necessitating sacrifices that we were to offer to show our acknowledgement of our sin, bringing us forgiveness.

In the Old Testament God told us, through Moses, what sacrifices were necessary as penance for which sins.  He even gave us a way out of what we deserved when we didn't know we sinned! Leviticus 4:1-2 says Then the LORD said to Moses, 2 "Give the Israelites the following instructions for dealing with those who sin unintentionally by doing anything forbidden by the LORD's commands".  Simply because He wants to be in relationship with us.  I think.

And the New Testament teaches us that we are forgiven by God's grace.  Ephesians 2:8 says For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God. 

Grace.  Salvation.  The gift of God.

God loves ALL people and wants none to perish (Old and New Testament people and beyond).  2 Peter 3:9 says so...not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance. 

Talking Old Testament again...what about those who weren't under the leadership of the priests who offered the sacrifices on behalf of the people for their sins?

This is where my thinking gets super convoluted and I want desperately to unravel it all.  Bear with me.

What about all the people in the Old Testament who were enemies of the Israelites?  The people that God either Himself destroyed or commanded the Israelites to destroy?  Aren't those people a part of the ANYONE that He doesn’t want to perish?

I have heard it said that the Old Testament shows us how we aren’t able to keep His commands; sort of laying out the criteria for having relationship with Him, getting into Heaven and that it points to our need of a Savior, who paid the penalty for our sins.   And I get that.

But....is it just me, or does this happen to anyone else's brains?  What about the people in pre-Savior eras?  B.C.  And especially those who weren't Israelites?

I tend to believe that the Jewish people of the Old Testament times, being God’s chosen people, sort of have a “pass”.  I realize this is way too simplistic but that’s as good as my finite brain can do regarding the hugeness of the concepts of God.  This might be a good time to remember that God's brain is infinite.  There is very likely zero chance I will ever be able to figure out as much as I want. And really, if I could, why would I need to have faith?  But I digress...

MOV

I like the use of acronyms.  I think they're clever.  One in particular I have used so much that it actually has become nearly as commonplace among people that know me as AAA.  Or as I have gotten older, AARP.  The acronym I am referring to is the MOD Squad.  Not the same as the old TV show, but Mothers Of Deaf.

The MOD Squad is a group of mothers (thanks, Captain Obvious) who have been through the special education wringer together.  Good for bouncing ideas off of, going to school meetings with and just in general being there for each other.  It has been a huge blessing and though our deaf kids are pretty much grown now, we are all still friends.

MOV is a new acronym that came to me and is entirely different.  Mother Of Victim.

MOV was inspired by a woman I am very close to.  And I have her permission to talk about this.  There are really so many different faces she could have.  Her child might be the victim of kidnapping; any number of violent acts; maybe a priest or other spiritual authority.  A victim of a teacher or coach.  Or as in the case of the MOV that I know, the victim of a babysitter.  A person she took her child to specifically for the taking care of.  Protecting.  Please allow me to put in a disclaimer.  I am talking about MOVs here but that is in no way to suggest they are more of or even the same level of victim as the child who has been perpetrated against.  The child is the true victim.  It's just that the story of my friend really gave me pause to stop and try to understand the mother's perspective.

In this case, it was years after the abuse that our MOV learned it had happened.  Twenty some years.  Suddenly her 27 year old child is five again.  That is the face in her mind as she is learning what has transpired. And she wants to attack.  You know what they say about mother bears. And the thing is, it's not even her battle to take on at this point.  If anyone is to do that, it has to be the adult child.  And that really isn't likely at this point.

The "event" or series of events is long over.  Physically anyway.  The scars are certainly there.  But for the MOV in our example, it has JUST happened!  Instinct is to protect, crucify.  And she can't.  Or should she? What is her role NOW?

I suppose because I am a mom I often see things through the lens of being the mother in just about any story.  Even when things like New Haven happen...or the Columbine shootings.  Not only the mothers of the victims, but the mothers of the bad guys.  There are exceptions to everything but I would imagine THOSE mothers are nearly as traumatized as the other mothers...the mothers of the victims.  Maybe?  Just a thought.

How does a mother wrestle through NOT being able to protect her child? Who is safe?  And what do we say to those MOVs?  How can we help?  I don't know that we can.  How do we help them help their child?  What kind of MOD Squad is in place for that?  At this point, at least in the case of my friend, the child has accepted that it's simply the way it was and they don't want to talk about it.  But MOV wants to talk about it.  She wants to make it better and cannot.

I remember watching The Passion of the Christ.  Mary, the mother of Jesus always had my attention.  Watching Jesus as a little boy running, just to fall down...how she would rush to his side.  Watching and running along side as He was beaten while carrying the cross.  Beaten beyond recognition, the Bible says.  And then watching as He died. Helpless.  And that is how my friend feels.  Helpless.

I am tempted to think, well, that's different.  Mary knew Jesus was God's Son.  I'm not so sure that's better!  What do you say if you're Mary?  I'm sorry God!  I tried to protect Him!  I am in no way a Bible scholar but I think the only place it tells us the information Mary was given about her son-to-be is in Luke 1:26-38, specifically 30-33: But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God. You will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High.  The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over the house of Jacob forever; his kingdom will never end."  Verses 34-35 shows us that this MOV, Mary, didn't have special insight, any more than is available to us; "How will this be," Mary asked the angel, "since I m a virgin?"  The angel answered, "The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God..."

Nothing about how her son would have to endure everything He endured and how she should deal with it.  As far as I know anyway.  And so when push became shove and her son became an innocent victim, just like my friend's child and countless other women's children, what is she supposed to do? What are the mothers of our day supposed to do?

There is only one thing I can be sure of and that is that God knew it would happen. To His Son and to our sons and daughters.  And I think it breaks His heart.  I don't understand it either.  Why does He allow such atrocities?  Except to not allow ANYTHING is to remove our free will.  And free will is the part we like.  Or at least the part we want.

The Bible, in John Chapter 11, at the very least implies that what breaks our hearts breaks God's heart, too.  Mary, Martha and Lazarus were siblings and good friends of Jesus.  Lazarus became very sick and the sisters sent word to Jesus.  In order to later show them Who exactly He was (who happens to be God, the only One who can bring the dead back to life) Jesus delayed in getting to them and Lazarus died before He arrived.  Look ahead to verse 33.  When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, He was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.  "Where have you laid him?" he asked.  "Come and see, Lord," they replied.  Jesus wept.

I firmly believe this is because their broken hearts broke His.  Like when we see our children hurting and it breaks our hearts.  This story miraculously ends with Jesus bringing Lazarus back from the dead.  We know he truly was dead because he had been in the tomb for four days.

For MOVs and the rest of us as well, questions arise; what about the death in spirit that occurs when these atrocities hit in our very real worlds?  Or the emotional walls that are put up around the victims, by the victims themselves?  What about the baggage that can trickle down into the generations to follow? Personally I think that just like in the biblical account above, Jesus weeps.  With us.  For us.  This is not the way things were supposed to be.  These thoughts lead to so many questions.  Why did He allow sin in the first place?  It's that free will thing again.  He didn't want puppets when He created us.  Do we have children because we want puppets?  No. We crave relationship and I think that's what He wanted too when He created us.  But we aren't puppets and sin entered the picture. Just like Adam and Eve, we think we know more than we do, can handle things better than we can and consequences follow.  And so often those consequences are damaged people.  Who damage people.

For those of us who believe that the Jesus is Who He says He is, the only thing we can hang on to is that He sees.  He knows.  And He weeps.  He will not leave us nor forsake us.  He loves us.  And He's coming back one day.  And things WILL be as they were supposed to be.

Please Lord, come quickly.

If You Can't Say Anything Nice...

I am pretty sure we have all heard, if not from our mothers then somewhere,  'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.'  I am one to often analyze things, maybe even over-analyze and this is cause for pause for me.  Doesn't saying nothing really say tons?  For example, someone shares something with you that you don't at all think is a good idea.  Silence?  That seems to shout disapproval. Doesn't it?

Paul says in Ephesians 4:29 "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."  Nothing nice to say.  And so, silence?

In his letter to the Philippians, in chapter 4 verse 8 he says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

The problem is being able to remember one of these passages at those awkward times... something helpful, beneficial, noble, admirable....you get the idea.  Right?  That generally doesn't happen for me.  However, God knew when He inspired those words that there would be times when an encouraging or positive response would be hard to come up with.  But He still says it.

'According to their needs' might be a key little phrase.  Maybe the person's need is to simply have someone listen. One thing we can be sure of:  they weren't sharing because they wanted to sound ignorant or evil nor were they looking for criticism.  And possibly, if we really try, we can find SOMETHING, whether it be true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, praiseworthy or helpful to include in our response.  Maybe?

Pausing before we speak is such a good practice to develop.  A quick answer isn't impressive; especially if it's surfacey or even worse, critical. And who is it we should be striving to impress anyway?

I think we can say something when we 'can't say anything nice'.  It might require a little insight.  A little discipline in the pause-creating practice. Which definitely requires wisdom from above.

But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  James 3:17

THAT wisdom, wisdom from above, is sometimes correcting, and sometimes it smarts, but it is always encouraging.  God never corrects us to hurt us,or to make Himself sound smart.  And sometimes He is silent on a matter... for a time.  A pause.

Are You Sure?

Faith is being sure of what we hope for..... Hebrews 11:1a

Possible implication: Can we be NOT sure what we are hoping for?  Personally, I had hoped I wouldn’t have to be involved in deaf ministry.  Not that I have ANYTHING against the deaf...I have a deaf daughter for crying out loud.  It's just such a visible ministry.  And I don't like to be visible.  However, over time, God began revealing to me that just MAYBE I would like it.  Fine.  I will do it.  But I have conditions.  I will only interpret the sermon.  Hopefully God will send someone else to do the worship part...every time.  That’s just too vulnerable of a position for me to be in.  And because I am hoping in faith, surely it will be so.

Back story.  I have always been too afraid, too insecure to lift my hands during worship...although I felt compelled to do so, I simply could not.  People might look at me.  They might think I am weird (and I am...different story.)

I can’t say with any certainty why God allowed the deaf ministry to fold for a time at our home church...there were so many more people affected than just our family.  But with reasonable assurance I am beginning to understand what He has worked out in me ... “for the good of those who love Him” ... of which I am one... “who have been called according to His purpose”  Romans 8:28 .... that purpose which is becoming a little less mud-like and a little more clear. 

When we left our church to attend one that has a very strong deaf ministry, the church that God led us to has a culture of very expressive worship.  It is awesome.  Literally.  It was there that God began untying the chains that kept my hands at my side during worship.  And it had almost literally felt just like that...I wanted desperately to raise my hands but COULD NOT.  During the three year stay at that church I was freed....freed to worship with abandon.

Through a series of what I now believe to have been providential events, we have returned to our former church.  Our church home.  When we got there, there was still no deaf ministry in place but due to a season of slight rebellion in our family member who is deaf, that wasn’t really an issue for the time being.  And we have another family member who had remained VERY connected even while we were attending the other church.  And for reasons only known to God, my husband and I could not for the life of us, find our place there.  So after much prayer and discussion, we went back.  Home.

God began calling me....and I didn’t want to.  Looking back, He had been calling me for quite a while.  Finally, out of obedience only, I responded and just a few conversations took place with leadership and before I knew it, deaf ministry was back up and running.  And I whined a lot.

There came a moment where I sensed God saying in my spirit...’you know, you MIGHT like this!’  I likened it to a parent telling their child ‘just try it!  You are going to like it!'  And if we, mere human parents, would only tell our child that out of love and human foreknowledge, how much more can God be trusted? 'If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!'  Matthew 7:11  And for a very long time I HAD been asking about what my calling is.  Everyone has one!  What is mine??

And so I allowed God to begin working on my attitude.  Big of me, wasn't it?

The first two weeks I interpreted the sermon while others interpreted the worship portion of the service.  It was very difficult for me,  but I really was just glad to not be doing worship...you know...that vulnerable place where people might look at me and think I am weird?

This past week, week number three, there was no one to interpret worship but me.  And I was NERVOUS!  I prepared and I practiced.  And what an amazing thing to spend so many hours being saturated in worship!  But during practice and preparation, I was alone and I still didn’t really want to do that.  Not in front of people.

And Sunday came.  I decided that I was simply going to worship God.  In sign language.  Which really is the point of interpreting the worship service.  Leading the deaf congregants in worship, in their language.  And so I worshipped.  And I was nervous.  And dare I say that I liked it.

So it turns out that God was right.  He knows what we will like. And He knows what we SHOULD hope for because it will be good.  So that we CAN have faith in what we should be hoping for.  I think in order to have faith in what we should be hoping for, we have to let God in.  Allow Him freedom to introduce us to ourselves as who we really are...who we were created to be.  He is the only one who really knows since He is the one who created us...on purpose, with a plan for our lives.

We would do well to NOT listen to the chatter of the enemy whose very goal is to lead us astray.  Because he knows if we live out our calling, it is only there we will find true joy.  And then we just might tell people about the One who is responsible for that joy.  Because it would be selfish not to.

He can let YOU know what it is exactly you should be hoping for, thereby having faith in that very hope.   And He will. 

He is faithful.

Perspective Might Change Things

After a pretty long battle ... long is a subjective word actually, but this battle has felt long to me!  Anyway, I have finally agreed to be obedient to God.  I have reluctantly, with a reluctance that has morphed into nervous excitement, agreed to begin interpreting at our church.  I have never, ever been a person who likes even a little bit to talk in front of people.  And I do realize that I am not alone in this fear.  I think I may have heard it's the number one fear that people have.  But I digress.  I didn't want to do it.

So the first service the deaf ministry was relaunched at my church was this Easter.  Two days ago.  I say relaunched because we used to have a deaf ministry but it has been on hiatus for a few years.

Easter Sunday is a very good day.  Period.  But in this regard, it was a good day to start this back up because there are always so many visitors and you just never know who might be there that knows someone who is deaf, or has deaf family, whatever.  What this also means is there were going to be even MORE people in that large group of people that I needed to be up in front of.  Ugh.

Easter morning I woke up and almost immediately start to pray for God to help me..I am so nervous. And David comes to my mind.  How he kept the faith even while a crazed king continually wanted to kill him, when he had done nothing to warrant such hatred.  About 30 seconds into my thoughts, and the remembrance of Jesus appears.  Hello!  You know.  Jesus.  The very Who we are celebrating this very day.

I have whined and whined about the calling He has apparently planned for me.  But this truly is NOTHING compared to the call He placed on His own life.

THE God who created the very universe submitted Himself to the womb of a young girl.  I never thought about that little detail before.  Is there any more humble, helpless place than a womb?  And then childbirth. Pleasant?  I think not.  Seriously...He really could have skipped a few steps along the way.  Thirty years of living life, experiencing everything we do.  Keep in mind, this was without all the modern conveniences we have the luxury of using for our ease of life.

And ministry begins.  His ministry.  His calling.  So much criticism.  Hatred.  But I have to think there was such joy that came with those moments His disciples REALLY got it.....even if they couldn't quite get their heads around a certain teaching that they still somehow believed.  And He knew!  At times they were probably a bit befuddled in some of the details but He knew their hearts and that they were choosing to not focus on the parts that confused them.  Because they truly knew that He was who He said He was.

And He knows when that's the case with us as well.  And I think it pleases Him.  Dare I say brings Him joy?

Then there was that Friday.  Good Friday.  The Bible says He was beaten beyond recognition. BEYOND.  I am not sure I really allow myself to understand what that truly means.  Have you thought about that?

Crucified. Those soldiers didn't even know that they were, for you and for me and for themselves, bringing forth the spotless, perfect lamb to be sacrificed so we could be forgiven. Again and again forever.

You see, I think God created us because He wanted a relationship with us but we are human and we sin.  And He is holy and cannot even look upon sin and so in order to have eternal relationship with us...He is eternal after all and so the relationship would need to last forever .... there has to be atonement or retribution made for our sin.  Or He can't even look upon us, let alone have a relationship with us!

The only sacrifice big enough to cover ALL the sins of ALL mankind is the One responsible for creating all of mankind.  God.  He promises His creation through the ages that He will send the Messiah who will take care of that sacrifice for us.  To be our Deliverer from what we truly deserve. That promise becomes a part of everything the Jewish people knew and know to be true.  Much like in America there is no doubt that George Washington was the first president.  It's not even debatable. Or that tonight will become tomorrow morning.  We know that is true and the Jewish people knew THAT to be true.

The Promise shows up.  He proves Himself again and again.  Who else can raise people from the dead?  Who else knows things about us that no one else knows?  We certainly don't tell anyone those things.  Who else dies and then comes back to life Himself?

Only Jesus.

My point is this calling on my life, whether it be for a season or the rest of my life is an honor.  I do not need to be afraid.  At least comparatively speaking.  If one person comes to know The Lord, thereby being saved from eternal damnation INTO eternal relationship with God....that relationship which was THE point of our being created in the first place, and the only place we will discover true joy.... if that happens because God somehow saw my hands fit to interpret His message for the deaf, I say thank You for the privilege.

And I must remember Matthew 4:19 if I want to be a follower of Jesus.  "Come, follow me," said Jesus, "and I will send you out to fish for people."  And in Romans 1:16 Paul says 'For I am not ashamed of the gospel because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes, first to the Jews and then to the Gentiles.'  It's not even my power making it happen!  Why am I afraid?

That salvation knows no boundaries.  God wants no one to perish.  Jew, Gentile, Hearing, Deaf...NO ONE.  Not any people group at all.  No person.

I don't need to be afraid and neither do you!  It's HIS message.  It's powerful and if you give Him a real chance you will find that it is true!

He is risen.  He is risen indeed!